This means WAR

Something massive has been a weight on my heart. How we receive and perceive the ways of the Lord.

It's real! Like oh I got a problem, God will take control. It's not that easy when the problem gets bigger and consistent. The problem only becomes another problem on top of the first problem you already had. It's so real. The last month have been real for me. The struggle to love, to follow, to remain faithful (to Christ), and continue to trust him has been a non-stop BATTLE! It's been such an unfair BATTLE.  The kind where the opponent has a machete and I got a blow up sword.

The Battle against the enemy has been one filled with:
                You can't achieve
                You won't
                You aren't

The story of my life seems to have a close comparison to the story of Job.

A man who lives an innocent life with a wife and children. The enemy wants to test Job's faith and trust in the Lord, so he places Job in an unfair BATTLE. A battle where Job beginning to question God's plan because of all the circumstances that comes up against him. He loses his money, his livestock, his children; however, he still praises the Lord in the darkest moments.
Job 5: 8 - 12 | " But if I were you, I would appeal to God; I would lay my cause before him. He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted. He provides rain for the earth; he sends water on the countryside. The lowly he sets on high, and those who mourn are lifted to safety. He thwarts the plans of the crafty, so that their hands achieve no success.
I think the most beautiful and vulnerable part of it all, taking up humility in where you are and the situation you are in. Taking up that state of weary and neediness with the Lord is so beautiful. I think that is where you are able to show your faithfulness to the Lord. You are able to show your devotion to the Lord. That's what Job did when he shaved his head, stripped down, and continued to praise God during his tough BATTLE. That's been me, I've been so vulnerable to all emotions including those of others. I had to lean the strength of Jesus to keep me upright. I had to remind myself that the enemy is real and will stop at nothing to add destruction into my life. Just like Job's friends, who fill him with thoughts of his circumstances. I can say at one moment "the devil thought he had me," but that's when I remembered that God had me. This BATTLE is not mines to fight, it is the Lord. God revealed himself to me in such a powerful way of the last weeks. He had to put me in the hospital, put my dog in the ER, get me back sick again, until I realized that I need to surrender to the Lord. I need to slow down in give this battle to the Lord.

Job 3: 17 | "There the wicked cease from turmoil, and there the weary are at rest."





Facing the enemy has been nothing easy, I have been like Job, I questioned what God's plan was. I was always reassured that no matter what the circumstances, God will never leave nor forsake me. God spoke words to me like he did with Job. I should trust. I trust him, who brought me from a raging heart and wild escapades into a woman today. A woman who is proud to be in the process with Jesus. Who strives to be more like him, he puts him first because he put his life on the cross, so that I may not be cast out or turned away.  A woman who will celebrate more than just a bachelors degree, but a season.

A season of life that runs much deeper than surface level. A season where trusting in the ALL that Jesus Christ can and will do in my life. God has done far more than I can ever ask for.

Job 42: 2 | “I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted."





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